Canon's Diary

Action without thought is empty; thought without action is blind – Goethe

While living with schizophrenia, I move between Tokyo and Osaka. Through this journal, I hope to quietly share moments from my daily life—and memories from the journey I’ve taken with my illness.

The cherry trees have completely transformed into lush greenery. Now is the season when dogwoods bloom beautifully. As I drove, I saw several trees bearing deep pink blossoms. I remembered how, back when I was living alone in a studio apartment in the Wakamiya area of Kofu City, Yamanashi, white dogwoods lined both sides of the gently curving road in front of the building. Against the backdrop of Mount Fuji—larger than it looks from Tokyo—they stood out vividly. Thinking of that, I drove down the tree-lined street toward the supermarket.

I had thought I’d already packed nearly everything, but as I thought more carefully, I realized there were still countless things I’d need for my solo life in Osaka. Toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner, body soap, dishwashing detergent and sponges—and come to think of it, I hadn’t prepared a cutting board either. Plastic wrap, aluminum foil, seasonings and containers to store them in, hangers for drying laundry, and those rings for securing futons to the balcony railing. The more I imagined daily life over there, the more items kept coming to mind. I hurried to the supermarket. Since I won’t have a car in Osaka, it’s best to take care of these bulk purchases now.

After returning home from shopping, exhaustion hit me all at once. I sank into the reclining chair and spaced out for a while. The movers are coming this weekend to pick up my things, so I really need to get everything sorted out today, Sunday. But my body just won’t move. I decide to take a short nap as I am and do some simple organizing after dinner.

A message came in on our tennis group Line chat. Today was the doubles tournament for citizens in Machida City, and one of our pairs made it through the qualifying rounds and advanced to the main draw. I had also been invited to join the tournament, but knowing how busy I’d be with the move, I had declined to enter. Still seated, I sent a message of congratulations. I find myself quietly looking forward to the day when I can devote myself to tennis again.

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