Canon's Diary

Sunday, May 18. I woke at 6 a.m. Today is my father’s funeral.
I had stayed up late last night sorting through documents for name changes and inheritance procedures. I still felt the weight of fatigue.

As we drove to the funeral home, I looked out at the zelkova trees lining the road. Their fresh green leaves shimmered with life.
I felt the breath of “life” in them.
What, I wondered, is life? Perhaps it is something that is “passed on.”
My father’s will, I believe, has been passed on to me. I have no children, and the Kazane family line ends with me.
But I am confident that my thoughts, my spirit, will live on little by little through those I have been fortunate to connect with.

In front of my father’s casket, a member of Soka Gakkai led us in chanting.
It had been decades since I had last recited the sutra. My hands trembled as I brought them together in prayer.

When the farewell ceremony came to an end, I, as the chief mourner, expressed my gratitude to those in attendance.

---

Thank you all for joining us today to honor my father, hiderou Kazane, despite your busy schedules.
Originally, it would have been my mother offering these words of thanks. However, I, as the eldest son, will say a few words on her behalf.

Though this was announced as a simple “farewell gathering,” eleven visitors came on May 15, another seven yesterday, and today as well, many of you have come to bid farewell to my father.
Through your presence, I deeply felt once again how my father was supported by the members of the Gakkai.
My family and I are truly grateful for your warmth and kindness.

Last March, my father was diagnosed with ampullary cancer and was hospitalized unexpectedly, missing the chance to see that year’s cherry blossoms.
After consulting with doctors, he chose not to undergo surgery, and instead spent his remaining time at home.
This April, he was able to see the cherry blossoms blooming near our home. That brief moment became a priceless memory for him, and for all of us.

On May 11, surrounded by his family, he passed away peacefully.
Even throughout his year-long battle with illness, I believe that being able to spend that time with my mother was a great source of comfort to him.

On a personal note, I must confess that I had long felt a deep unease about the religion my mother believed in, ever since I was a child.
In the midst of that struggle, I believe I suppressed many of my emotions and left something important behind.

But now, at long last, I’ve come to understand what the teachings of Soka Gakkai truly aim for—
To believe in the inherent Buddha-nature within all people, and to strengthen the heart to face adversity.
These are not harmful teachings. I now see that clearly.

To ignite the Buddha within, to let one’s soul resonate through chanting, to purify the malice within oneself—
Such acts of prayer now make sense to me in a way they never did before.
And yet, for the child I was, these teachings were not a “salvation,” but rather a form of pain.
That is why I once chose to distance myself from religion and to walk a path of healing my own heart and body.

Today, I hold no hostility toward religion. On the contrary, I am filled with deep gratitude for the faith that supported both my father and mother.
Lately, I’ve started to make a habit of putting my hands together in prayer before meals, to express my appreciation for the blessings of food.
It is through this understanding, I believe, that I can now feel such genuine gratitude to all of you here today.

My father was a man who lived sincerely and honestly, supporting my mother and protecting our family.
I wish to center my heart so that I may carry on the way he lived in my own journey through life.

I would also like to take this moment to express my heartfelt thanks to my sister Ayaka and her family—Shigeyuki, Ayumu, and Kaze—for all the support they gave our parents.
I know each of you is facing your own challenges, but I hope we can continue to help one another as a family and move forward together, one step at a time.

Lastly, due to work, I spend about half of each month in Osaka.
Because of that, I would be deeply grateful if you could continue to lend your support to my mother in the days ahead.
Thank you once again for being with us until the very end today.

---

After the cremation, my father finally returned home.
Together with my mother, my wife, my sister, and her family, we shared an evening meal.
It had been a week filled with emotional tension, but I felt that I had finally reached a turning point.
A small measure of peace returned to my heart.