Canon's Diary

Action without thought is empty; thought without action is blind – Goethe

While living with schizophrenia, I move between Tokyo and Osaka. Through this journal, I hope to quietly share moments from my daily life—and memories from the journey I’ve taken with my illness.

Thursday night’s tennis lesson had been quite intense, so I really struggled through work on Friday, worn out and weary. I somehow managed to get everything done and made it home, only to fall asleep almost instantly from exhaustion.

Then came Saturday morning—the weekend, at last. I woke up around 7 a.m. It was June 14th. For the first time in a while, I felt like I had really slept well. There was no lingering fatigue like yesterday, and my mind felt clear. It was already raining when I woke up. I washed my face with cold water and had my usual breakfast.

Back in April, I had my hair chemically straightened. It hadn’t grown quite to my shoulders yet, but it now reached far enough to cover the back of my neck. Whenever I washed my face, cooked, or ate, it would fall forward and get in the way. So lately, I’d started wearing my tennis cap even indoors. I’ve got a haircut appointment booked in Tokyo for next weekend. I do like my hair longer, but maybe it’s time to try something a bit shorter. I’ll talk it over with my stylist.

Around 9 a.m., the rain briefly turned heavy. The sky outside was dull and dark. The demolition work on the house in front of the bus roundabout had apparently finished last week, and the lot was now completely cleared. Amid the low, steady sound of the rain, I could hear cars splashing through puddles. Without the usual construction noise, the chirping of birds, the sound of trains crossing, the clanging of a railroad crossing, and the buzz of a scooter engine all made their way to my ears. None of it was unpleasant. To me, it felt like a kind of background music—gentle and comforting.

After sitting and relaxing in my chair for a while, I did a bit of cleaning and laundry, then headed out to the supermarket. I’ve gradually stocked up on seasonings, daily necessities, detergent, and shampoo, and I’ve more or less settled into a cooking routine—so my spending on groceries has gotten more manageable.

I remembered I still had a packet of seasoning paste I’d bought at a supermarket during a business trip to Indonesia last year—something for making nasi goreng. So I picked up some tomatoes and frozen corn and decided I’d try cooking nasi goreng for lunch today. The rain was still coming down steadily, yet the shopping street was relatively crowded with people.

Back home, I got started on the cooking. I stir-fried chopped carrots with some pork, then added frozen corn and shredded cabbage, letting them cook together for a while. After that, I added some freshly cooked rice and mixed in the nasi goreng paste. I stirred everything thoroughly, and it was done. I added a few cherry tomatoes on the side and made a bowl of matsutake mushroom soup to go with it.

Oh—shoot. I forgot to crack an egg into it. Well, I had a proper breakfast, so the egg can have its moment next time.

As for the taste… spicy. The one I had in Indonesia was definitely spicy too, but it had a milder, rounder flavor. This version was sharper—but in its own way, it had a unique kick, and I enjoyed the change. A lunch full of spice and punch.

In the afternoon, I gazed out the window. The rain was still coming down steadily. According to the forecast, it was going to rain through the night. On this rainy afternoon, under the heavy skies of the rainy season, I thought—
I’d like to just relax and take it easy like this, all the way into the evening.

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