Canon's Diary

Masato Kazane

Canon was the name of our beloved family dog, a Shetland Sheepdog who was with us for 12 wonderful years. She passed away in February 2024. Her loss was so heartbreaking that my wife and I spent the whole day in tears. Even now, memories of her sometimes bring tears to my eyes without me realizing it. I feel as though Canon taught me what true love really means.

I was born in 1967 in Meguro Ward, Tokyo. My hobbies include tennis, motorbikes, and reading. I currently train at a tennis school while gaining experience through local amateur tournaments. As for bikes, I ride a 1993 model VFR400R (NC30), a race-replica I use for my daily commute—and occasionally for tennis trips out of town. This summer, I’m hoping to try solo camping on a touring ride.

Finding time to read can be a challenge, but I’ve been deeply influenced by books like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey, A Drop of the River (Taiga no Hitotsubu) by Hiroyuki Itsuki, Factfulness by Hans Rosling, and Essentialism by Greg McKeown. Lately, I’ve been into The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, which introduces Adlerian psychology in an accessible way. I used to read novels by Haruki Murakami in my younger days, but now I tend to focus on Akutagawa Prize-winning works, which are often unique, bold, and emotionally rich. I also enjoy anime, and often read the novel adaptations of those I find particularly moving. I sense something truly artistic in Makoto Shinkai’s visual storytelling. Reading Hold Poison in Your Heart by Taro Okamoto helped broaden my outlook a bit, too.

I played soccer from third grade through high school, but around adolescence, I began to feel emotionally unstable and found life increasingly difficult. I managed to enter university, worked part-time as a waiter, and served as captain of my tennis club. Still, I struggled with persistent depression and lived on medication. In 1991, during Japan’s bubble economy, I joined a major publicly listed company with relative ease. I got through the work by relieving stress through circuit riding on my bike. But after being transferred to Shizuoka in 1996, my condition worsened. In 1998, I was transferred again to Yamanashi, where I reconnected with my future wife from college and eventually got married. However, my mental health declined further, and in 2000, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Thanks to the unwavering support of my wife and friends, and proper medication prescribed by a reliable doctor, I have now recovered to a point where I can function in daily life, though I still take medication. When my company offered a voluntary early retirement program due to financial difficulties, I took the opportunity to leave after 18 years of service. I moved back to my parents’ home in Tokyo and now live with my wife and parents as a family of four.

Since then, I’ve changed jobs twice in foreign-owned companies and in 2020, made my third job change, joining a Japanese company. With the rise of remote technology during the pandemic, I was able to attend graduate school in the UK online while continuing to work, and at age 56, I earned an MBA in the humanities.

Even though my condition has stabilized, I still find it difficult to fully adapt to Japanese corporate culture. Life can be painful and exhausting. I know I’m not alone—everyone faces their own challenges in life. With just a few years left before turning 60, I sometimes feel like I haven’t matured much at all, perhaps due to my illness. Mentally, I’m probably still the same person I was in high school.

I’m not even entirely sure why I started this blog in the form of a public diary. Maybe I just wanted someone to hear the voice inside my heart. When the time feels right, I’d like to share memories, thoughts, and emotions from the most difficult periods of my illness. Writing helps me organize my feelings. I also believe it helps sharpen my thinking.

If anyone happens to be reading this, I’d be so happy to hear from you—just a simple comment would do. The feeling that I’m participating in society and being part of an online community really lifts my spirits.