Canon's Diary
Action without thought is empty; thought without action is blind – Goethe
While living with schizophrenia, I move between Tokyo and Osaka. Through this journal, I hope to quietly share moments from my daily life—and memories from the journey I’ve taken with my illness.
Category: mother
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I woke up at four in the morning. A dim light was seeping through the gap in the curtains. Birds had begun their morning song.I sat down in the reclining chair and had a glass of whisky. I had been tense all day yesterday. Though I should have been exhausted, I couldn’t sleep well.Feeling a…
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Sunday, May 18. I woke at 6 a.m. Today is my father’s funeral.I had stayed up late last night sorting through documents for name changes and inheritance procedures. I still felt the weight of fatigue. As we drove to the funeral home, I looked out at the zelkova trees lining the road. Their fresh green…
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Saturday, May 17th.It had been raining since the morning. I woke up past nine.When I went downstairs to the living room, my sister was showing our mother videos of her children taken at her house. My mother and sister appeared in the footage too. There were also clips from their visits to our home, including…
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Last night, I had dinner with a judicial scrivener and was able to discuss some technical matters. After that conversation, I’ve decided to move forward with transferring the ownership of the house to my mother. We’ll separate our household registration into two: my mother as a single household, and my wife and I as another.…
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Last night, I took a long soak in the bath and turned off the lights at 11 p.m. before going to bed. I must have fallen into a deep sleep, because when I awoke, it was already 9 in the morning. For the past few days, I had been living with a persistent sense of…
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Wednesday, May 14th.Around 3 a.m. last night, I realized I’d fallen asleep in the recliner and moved to my bed. This morning, I felt a bit sluggish. I had forgotten to take my nightly medication, so I quickly swallowed it with a full glass of water. The coldness going down my throat helped wake me…
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I woke up this morning and brushed my teeth.Expecting another busy day ahead, I had two slices of toast for breakfast to keep my energy up.There are still many items left on the list my father titled “Things to Do When Hidero Dies”, but taking them one by one, they aren’t all that difficult.Leaving behind…
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Yesterday, I must have fallen asleep in bed without even realizing it. I hadn’t taken a shower.On the table sits a half-finished glass of whisky, its fizz gone flat.My eyes seem swollen.It’s now 6:30 in the morning. I take a small sip from the glass on the table.Once again, tears begin to well up. Today…
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On the morning of May 11th, after finishing breakfast, I did some laundry under the clear skies. While I was at it, the floor mat I had ordered arrived. With all the furniture finally in place, the floor mat was the last piece. So, I moved the TV stand, the table, and the cupboard out…
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On the evening of April 30th, after dinner, my father said, “I’m going to the city hospital for a bit.” He had been running a slight fever for a few days, and although we were keeping an eye on it, it seemed his condition was worsening. The signs had been there for some time, but…
Canon's Diary 