Canon's Diary

Yesterday was the company’s welcome party. We drank late into the night, and I ended up sleeping in and taking a half day off. At my age, acting like a new hire is… not ideal. I slept until around 11 a.m., so I wasn’t feeling sleep-deprived, but I hadn’t eaten anything, so I was hungry. After a quick shower, I left home around 11:50. Walking my usual route to the office under the midday sun, I could feel the heat.

I arrived at the office during lunch break, apologized to my boss, and headed straight to the cafeteria for a bowl of soba.

I wasn’t feeling great, but I assumed it was just a hangover. Sure, I drank a fair amount at the party, but I thought I’d kept things under control. Still, something felt off—this wasn’t the usual day-after. I tried to work, but couldn’t concentrate at all. The discomfort in my body gradually worsened. My head felt fuzzy, and I started to lose focus. Even walking felt unsteady. That’s when I thought, “This isn’t normal,” and checked my medicine box.

That’s when I realized I had forgotten to take one of the three pills I take every night for schizophrenia. Sometimes I miss all three, and when that happens, the symptoms are more obvious and I notice right away. But missing just one? That’s rare. The unfamiliar sensation threw me off.

I took the forgotten pill with some water, and within about 30 minutes, my body returned to normal.

Schizophrenia is a condition that doesn’t go away. These three medications are the result of years of trial, error, and careful monitoring with my doctor. It’s taken decades to arrive at this combination. These days, I’ve recovered to the point that I almost never think about the illness—but even missing one day’s dose throws my body into turmoil.

When I skip my meds, memories from my most difficult times come rushing back, leaving me with a deep, heavy feeling. Moments like this remind me just how much of a miracle it is that I can live a normal life and go to work.

After work, I went home. Dinner tonight was frozen gyoza over fried rice. I realized I didn’t have a clean dress shirt for tomorrow, so I did laundry while running a bath.

Since it was a hot day, the fan I’d bought the day before yesterday felt especially pleasant after my bath.