Canon's Diary

Action without thought is empty; thought without action is blind – Goethe

While living with schizophrenia, I move between Tokyo and Osaka. Through this journal, I hope to quietly share moments from my daily life—and memories from the journey I’ve taken with my illness.

It had been raining since morning. In stark contrast to yesterday’s early-summer warmth, today felt like a return to midwinter. When I woke up, I was informed that my father had gone to the hospital with my mother earlier that morning. His stomach pain hadn’t subsided, and after being examined, it turned out he had a kidney stone. He was given a pain-relieving suppository. My father hadn’t been able to sleep last night, but by the time my mother told me about it, he seemed to have settled down and was sleeping soundly. Kidney stones have been a recurring issue for him since his youth, and he is familiar with the treatment. Even so, if he had woken me up, I might have been able to help in some way. Conflicting emotions swirled inside me, I finished my breakfast.

Since it was Saturday, I had planned to go to a furniture store and an electronics retailer to buy a mattress, futon, and coffee maker. In the morning, my wife and I went through the tableware and cookware stored in the basement warehouse, picking out what I could use in Osaka. The basement has high humidity, so we run a dehumidifier at full power, but during the rainy season, a slight musty smell still lingers. These items had been stored here ever since I returned to my parents’ house in 2012—about thirteen years ago. If I hadn’t been assigned to work in Osaka, they might have remained untouched for another ten years. I felt glad to finally put them to use, yet also uncertain whether they would truly be functional.

The washing machine seemed fine. When we moved from Yamanashi to Shizuoka, we had already switched it to a 60Hz frequency, so it would work in Osaka as is. The microwave was also usable. Both were a bit large for a single-person household, but as the saying goes, “bigger is better.” The rice cooker and gas stove, however, were in bad shape—too dirty to be of any use. Surprisingly, the tableware turned out to be much cleaner after soaking in bleach. Before I knew it, the morning had passed.

After lunch, I borrowed the family car and drove to the furniture store. Since it was the end of the fiscal year, the roads were congested despite the bad weather. I had already filled my Amazon wishlist with items I would need for life in Osaka, but seeing things in person gave me a clearer sense of what felt right. The size of a frying pan, for instance—was it suitable for cooking for one? Would a mattress be too soft and uncomfortable? These were things I could only judge by seeing them up close. Though I had a list of must-buy items, after visiting both the furniture store and the electronics retailer, I found that many still required further consideration. In the end, I only bought a set of frying pans and pots, along with a drip coffee maker.

On the way from the furniture store to the electronics retailer, I took a slight detour to drive along the row of cherry blossom trees near the Onda River. The cherry blossoms were wet with rain, about halfway to full bloom. It seemed that next weekend would be the perfect time to see them in their full glory. I wished I could take my father there.

When I returned home, my father was awake, so we had a brief conversation.

“Can I take the coffee grinder?” I asked.
“Sure, go ahead,” he replied. “But it’s a manual one, so it takes time to grind.”

He seemed to be feeling better. I debated whether to buy an electric grinder to go with my new coffee maker but then remembered that we already had one at home. I was glad I had held off on the purchase.

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