Canon's Diary

Action without thought is empty; thought without action is blind – Goethe

While living with schizophrenia, I move between Tokyo and Osaka. Through this journal, I hope to quietly share moments from my daily life—and memories from the journey I’ve taken with my illness.

Tuesday, June 3rd. I woke up at 6:30 to the alarm on my phone, but fell back asleep and finally got up at 6:45, saved once again by the iPhone’s snooze function. As always, I opened the curtains. It’s raining today. The sky is covered in clouds, and I can’t see the sun. I washed my face with cold water and shaved. For breakfast, I poured soy sauce over some leftover soup and rice from yesterday, with a raw egg cracked on top. Since I got up later than usual, the morning felt rushed. I changed into a dress shirt, started boiling coffee for my thermos, and washed the dishes. Today is burnable garbage day, so I took out the trash. Thursday is recycling day, but we had so many cardboard boxes stacked up at home that I decided to bring a portion of them out today too.

With my work backpack on my back, a garbage bag in my left hand, and a bundle of cardboard boxes and a large umbrella in my right, I walked down the stairs and out of the apartment building.

The rainy commute was crowded as usual with students in uniforms. Carrying a big umbrella, I was careful not to bump into anyone. This area seems to have a solid bicycle culture—even in weather like this, people pedal along in raincoats.

I arrived at the office and climbed the stairs to the locker room. “Good morning.” Everyone I passed greeted me politely. I scanned my timecard. I’m getting used to this routine. I put my umbrella in my otherwise empty locker and headed to the office.

Today’s workload wasn’t as pressing as yesterday’s. I received a reply via email from the design team about an inquiry I’d made, and I got the information I needed. I reviewed the technical documentation once more and asked a colleague to check it over. There were 40 different technical documents in total this time.

Lunchtime. I went down to the cafeteria alone. I chose shrimp tempura soba today, with extra seaweed and green onions. I topped it with shichimi chili powder, grated ginger, and dried kelp—my usual lunchtime combo. Since I had a hearty breakfast, I only got a small portion of barley rice. Hmm… I may have added a little too much ginger. The flavor’s a bit strong. A slight misstep.

While waiting for my drawings to be checked in the afternoon, I had some free time, so I confirmed the details of upcoming project tasks with a colleague. Each client has different operational rules, so I suspect it’ll take time to get used to them. I spent the rest of the afternoon catching up on recent industry news.

On the way home, I stopped by the supermarket to buy chicken breast, carrots, and olive oil. I’ve grown a bit tired of pork lately, so I was planning to make soup with chicken. “Hmm? No chicken breast? That’s unusual. Well, they have minced chicken—guess that’ll do.” “Carrots cost about the same whether you buy one or three. Maybe I’ll get three. Can I use them all, though?” Thinking these little things over, I finished shopping and hurried home. The sky was heavy and gray. A light drizzle came and went, but not enough to need an umbrella. I’ve gotten used to carrying groceries home in a suit after work. I feel like I go to the supermarket every other day. I wonder how much I’m spending on food.

Once home, I took a bath, dried my hair with a hairdryer, and started preparing dinner. Different ingredients, but lately it’s always the same process—boiling cabbage, chicken breast (this time, ground), and chopped carrots. I flavored it with consommé, salt, and pepper for a Western-style soup. Served in a bowl with chopped scallions and a drizzle of olive oil, the chicken and cabbage consommé soup was complete. Since I had rice with egg in the morning, I fried some frozen fried rice for dinner.

Not bad. “Maybe the minced chicken brought out more flavor,” I thought. “The carrots turned soft thanks to the longer simmering,” “I used scallions because we had them, but onions might’ve worked too,” “Ginger could be nice as well.” But I’d used too much ginger at lunch, so I wasn’t in the mood to use it again.

Ahh. With dinner done, I finally felt at ease. Right now, I’m sipping a scotch and soda. No background music—I prefer quiet. I was supposed to have a tennis lesson today, but since I played two days in a row over the weekend, I decided to rest. Tomorrow, I’ve been invited to a seafood Italian dinner near Osaka Station by a few coworkers. Some colleagues from Vietnam and Malaysia are joining too. I’m really grateful they invited someone older like me. I’m looking forward to it.

So dear readers, tomorrow’s post might be on hold. Sorry about that.

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